I want to be alone again. I was actually stronger alone. Over and over I thought I would drown while I choked on the panic. I would thrash around floundering emotionally gasping for breath grasping blindly for a ledge sure I was going to drown, but I never did. After I ran out of energy, and everything was silent, and I realized I could still breath under water, I began to find MY answers. And I swam away by myself.