Lost in my own head

I am always frustrated these days. It feels exactly like the kind of fruatration that makes you scream. Only its not always that intense and even when it is I only scream in my head… so far. Where it’s coming from, weather its productive or destructive I can’t tell. I think its both and neither. Its just an emotion. Its the actions (or lack there of) that I choose next that determines the effect that emotion may set in motion in my life. Still, having said that, its confusing too. Because I want something different. To go home. To get away from him. To make amends with my children. To have friends and a job again. To go places on my own again. A life. I’m paralyzed though. I cannot tell. Am I crazy? Is it the choices I have made? Is it possible that I can repair myself enough to be “happy (was I ever though? Would I even know if I was?)” again? Or am I a lost cause? A dud? Broken beyond repair? Does everyone feel this lost in their own head?

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