In some ways I’m more angry at my mother for destroying my memories of my early childhood than I am for anything she ever actually did TO me. The things she did to me can potentially be fixed. But the other I cant ever get back. I guess I’ve come to terms to some degree with the loss of a lot of my teens (I was taken away by the state in my early teens and placed in a group home finally) but at least I had my early memories before I realized through therapy how screwed up all of that was too. Its like I have no past in a way, no roots, no foundation at all now.
My mother would tell other people glowing stories about us. How smart we were, how accomplished we were… how great SHE was to have such great kids basically. But as soon as we were alone or she was off the phone it was back to normal. Talk about making your head spin because who comes out if the womb thinking their mother is a liar and twisted in the head?